Pre-Snap Read

Fake News

Jim Narby’s Talking Points

By Paul Myerberg   //   Aug 30, 2010

Here's a photograph of who I assume to be Jim Narby, though I might be wrong, of course.

We’ve been waiting for this for a long, long time. Jim Narby, for those that are unaware, has commented 54 times on this site; 45 of those comments involved some permutation of the phrase “Nebraska is next.” This was the case with team No. 101, when Narby first made his bold prediction, and continued throughout a summer’s worth of team previews. After a month or so, the fascination with Narby’s predictions grew to the point where many loyal readers were asking that Narby be given a 100-word preview to voice his opinions on the Cornhuskers. Then came the Nebraska preview; no Narby. He has since responded in this lengthy form. Narby: unedited, uncut. What follows is his much-anticipated breakdown of Nebraska in 2010.

“Phones at Narby Headquarters are ringing off of their hooks.  There is shock, outrage, frustration and confusion. My faithful followers are wondering: how could Jim Narby, our Husker-hating Loyal Leader, abandon us in the thick of the top 10? Rest assured, friends, that your voices have been heard. Excuse my absence, as we at Narby Central have been tirelessly working the campaign trail for weeks to ensure that  Nebraska does not get ranked higher than the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes in the hugely popular Pre-Snap Read preseason rankings. This effort has required our full attention.

Even though I am already over the artificial Myerberg/Stalin imposed limit of 100 words I would like to risk censorship in order to continue. Let me point out one thing that serves as the key motivator in the Narby Movement. That is, Nebraska lacks one thing that is key to any successful football team: an offense. Sure, the Husker defense is outstanding. Yes, it sure is outstanding. Congratulations, you have one half of a football team. What about the other half? Nebraska scored seven points against Iowa State last year. How shockingly horrific is that? Of the decent teams that the mighty Cyclones played American football against in 2009, Iowa scored 35, Kansas scored 41, Texas A&M scored 35, Oklahoma State scored 34, Missouri scored 34… and Nebraska scored 7 (at home). That is just terrible, and one could point to Nebraska’s eight turnovers as an excuse, but it isn’t like Iowa State had Derrel Revis and Ed Reed in the secondary.

And I’m sure Oklahoma fans are using the turnover excuse for their 10-3 loss to Nebraska last year when their equally inept quarterback, Landry Jones, threw five interceptions to the Blackshirts (or that the Sooners missed two field goals and had a third blocked).  t least Oklahoma has the “turnover due to back-up quarterback” excuse, which is slightly better than the Nebraska “turnover” excuse. To be fair, and give credit where is due, the Nebraska offense did explode for 15 points against Virginia Tech, 10 against Texas Tech, 20 against Baylor, and 12 against Texas. I hope they had oxygen on the sidelines.

I know, I know. This is 2010, not 2009. Nebraska’s offense should be vastly improved this year right? How could it not be with three serious gunslingers competing to be starting quarterback? The frontrunner, Zac Lee, wouldn’t even be the best college quarterback named Zac Lee if promising L.S.U. freshman Zach Lee hadn’t decided to pursue a pitching career in Major League Baseball. (Wrong move, for the record, unless you think the coeds at the Motel 6 in Bridgeport, Conn., are more talented than the ones at the Theta house in Baton Rouge, La.)

The second candidate, Cody Green, was Lee’s back-up last season so he must not be very good. The third prospect, Taylor Martinez, is gaining popularity in Husker Nation mostly because he is not Lee or Green. The reality is that Martinez has never played a college snap, is undersized (6’1 according to the Nebraska website, which probably means 5’10), and lacks an arm which might be a problem, but it didn’t stop Eric Crouch. At least, unlike Lee and Green, Martinez is athletic.

Now that I am over my own self-imposed limit of 500 words I would like to quickly point out that Ohio State has depth on both sides of the ball, the most exciting and dynamic player in college football in Terrelle Pryor, and perhaps the most favorable home schedule in school history with Miami (Fla.), Penn State and Michigan all traveling to Columbus this year. If Ohio State can get past Iowa on the road, expect the Buckeyes to go undefeated and win their second National Championship of the Tressel era in 2010.

It’s nice to be back.”

Tags: Jim Narby, Nebraska

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